To Brother Davey on your 🤬 insert 😳 age 🤯 here 😭 Birthday 🥳🎂

   Its funny how whenever you were growing up, you never knew how young your parents were until you become their age! My brother is turning a milestone age on Jan 27th.  I really can’t give him a hard time about it either, because in 18 months I too will be turning that age! My parents used to tell us how life passes by so fast, I remember rolling my eyes and thinking, really because the days sure drag on when Im sitting in school! However as an adult I see now how true that statement is!! It’s funny because I may not be in my twenties any more, but my soul is, despite my physical age and how my body seems to be breaking down I feel so young on the inside!!

Dear Davey,

I remember mom and dad telling us that when they brought me home from the hospital you kept asking, “is this nother David?” 

Think back to every summer how you and I would travel to grandma and grandpa Dunham’s house and swim the majority of the time with grandpa sitting and watching.  I believe he was the 1st “watch your kids around water” spokesman dude!  Then every Saturday grandma had us placing Avon books on peoples doors, with a great pancake breakfast at McDonalds after!! 

Recall every Christmas eve when we would go outside and look for the Christmas star!! Which we now know was always the Northern Star!! 

Remember being the oldest grandchild when we would visit Grandma and Grandpa

Barkmanand grandpa would only let you drive the golf cart!! Being oldest has some advantages! 

 When Star Wars, the 1st trilogy, was all the rage and we received several toys for Christmas how we would put them together and play most of the movies!!  I truly believe we will always be Star Wars buddies!  In fact when we are in our 80s and they come out with Star Wars 20 (as well as making side Star Wars movies that jumps into the heart and soul of each character) lets make sure to have our great grandchildren wheel us down to the theatre ok!! 

As much fun as life was with just the two of us, I remember how excited we were when we were told we were getting a baby sister!!

Then 4 years later how excited we were again when we were getting a baby brother...you were so excited to balance everything out, now there were 2 girls and 2 boys!!  You were so excited when we found out the baby would be born in January and you said I hope its the 27th!! Shortly after we found out Aaron was born Jan 26 and you two have shared birthday parties ever since!! 

I remember your wedding day when your new daughter Katelyn kept saying “this is our wedding” (she was 2). 

Then Kenna, Ryan and all of Elise’s babies  

Now you have a 21 year old and if she chose to, she could make you a grandpa (that is of a human baby, not a puppy or kitty)...WHAT!   

We have been through so much Davey...and here is to many many more years of fun!! So who cares how old you are right? Life is an adventure, and like our parents before us...we are so young!!!  

P.S. I had really cute pictures on here, but they wouldn’t publish for some reason...sorry!  

My story

     I’m in my bed peacefully sleeping, I suddenly awake unable to breathe.  Sitting up I’m violently choking, my head  twitching out of control, I reach for my covers.  That evenings news story plays over again in my head, about a man who escaped from the prison only 30 miles from our home. I am horrified; I just know the prisoner is in my room strangling me. Finally I stop, I just stop, I can breathe and my body is no longer twitching. The entire incident went on for 1 minute or less, yet I felt like I was in captivity for hours. I look around, no one is in my room, I am all alone. Afraid, I lie back down; I am exhausted and lay awake no longer than a minute.
I have Epilepsy.  My body seizes, and loses control. This has been a thorn in my side for almost 30 years. Medication has kept me secure and safe for a majority of that time.  In 2009, however, my life began to change.
 August of 2008 until November of 2009 I worked with a company that required me to drive the majority of the time and I was driving children.  I was doing social work, and was transporting children from their foster homes to family visits. One morning on the way to work a seizure broke through.  I knew it was about to happen, I was overcome with fear and I remember screaming for Jesus.  I screamed “Jesus help me, I’m sorry, please help me.” Next I hear a horn honking, I awaken and pulled my vehicle into the median strip.  I’m not sure if someone saw that I was passed out or if I almost hit someone, but I was honked at, and am so grateful for that person. Sitting on the middle of the freeway, I wasn’t sure if I should continue to work, or head back home, I continued on to work. I worked for the next 7 days with no incident.  Deep in my heart I knew the right thing to do was to let go of my job.  I feared that if I had a seizure while driving and a child was with me, I would never be
 able to forgive myself if something happened to them or anyone else.  So I said goodbye.  The next 6 months began a strenuous course of applying for disability and going to my neurologist, trying to find out why the break through seizure had occurred and how to stop another one

What you just read is only a portion of chapter one of a book I have been writing for several years about my life with seizures.  Keep me in your prayers as I strive to finish soon and very soon...

Writing can be a writers worst nightmare!!

The title sounds strange for a writer doesn't it! 🙂 However I haven't written on this blog for over a year. I'm not sure why.  The past 5 years I have been writing my autobiography on living a life with Epilepsy. Yes, five years. I never understood why people always stated that a book, play, or movie took so long to create. Now I understand, life happens. Someone or something doesn't want me to finish my book.  In the past five years I have had two surgeries to try to fix tendinitis in my right wrist and have had many many hours of physical therapy. There indeed are times when a writer doesn't have much to say. This is just like a singer who has nothing ro sing, or a teacher who has nothing to teach, this could lead to a career end. Sometimes there is just no motivation, I'm not sure why I am not motivated, sharing my story and what I am walking through I know would help others. Focus is hard for me, I find myself distracted easily. For example, this year I have been bird watching. There are two different sites where you can watch eagles 🦅 lay there eggs then watch the babies hatch and grow. One site is https://hdontap.com/index.php/video/stream/pa-bald-eagle-ir-cam

the other is http://www.dickpritchettrealestate.com/eagle-feed.html#
the second site the baby is already perching with mom and dad and is almost ready to leave the nest. Then of course there is also the most famous Giraffe in all the land, miss April! I have also given up evening television 📺 so I could focus more. I was so serious about it, I gave it up for Lent . I have added more to my book so I'm happy about that, just frustrated.  I guess I needed to do some journaling and decided to do it here. The next time I write I hope it's to say I have finished my book!! 📚😉

Pray for...why?

In our world and unfortunately in America alone we have seen quite a bit of devastation.  When these events happen, it is amazing to see people rally around each other, even those we have never met; and we pray for each other.  People pray, even if they don’t attend church every week, even if they are skeptic about God. 

  Paris, Mila, Russia (the plane) and now San Bernardino have all been attacked.  America has been going through political crap that after watching makes you (me anyways) feeling like America is well, depressing. Not only that but it feels like the United States, for some reason has gone back to the 60s where there are issues on race, and riots are taking place.  I think maybe the worst of all…Starbucks cups are red only!!

It’s good to see people have not lost faith.  However for those who have, or for those who believe God is mean and vengeful, and causing these things to happen, need to take that step of faith and ask him to protect you, your family, our country, our allies, and see what happens.  See what happens when you believe. If you are angry at God than tell Him, scream at Him, If you are sad, cry.  He already knows whats in our hearts, but tell Him anyways.  He gave you those emotions so use them.  The number one thing in any relationship is communication, talk to God!!

 We are approaching Christmas, a season of believing.  Watch your children, or children around you, as they believe in Santa, no matter what others may say to them, they believe with all their hearts he is coming, because he knows when they’ve been sleeping, he knows when their awake.  The same is true with our God, He knows when you are sleeping and when you are awake, we all need to have a child like faith.

If God is all powerful, why does he allow these things to happen?  Why can’t He stop these people, why is there cancer, why are there natural disasters?  These are questions I cannot answer, I believe no one can, that’s where faith comes in.  If we pray for those who lost their lives in each one of these attacks, we should then pray that God would stop these attacks.  He has created people who are trained to help us; I give credit to the first responders who were at the San Bernardino attacks in just 7 minutes.  Our country is on high alert and the military and first responders are becoming equipped to fight back like never before.

In a book by Marie Chapian, one of the devotionals is called, I Know You’ve Been Hurt, it states, “ You will never be happy until you free yourself from the fear of being hurt, to having full confidence in the wisdom I (God) freely  give you.  I will protect you and watch over you all the days of your life.” When tragedies happen, it does not mean God has broken His promise, it simply means, you must pray and search His heart, while He comforts yours.

“If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek My face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land.”   2 Chronicles 7:14.  Some may find this verse offensive, thinking because someone has sinned, God is attacking us on purpose, well I have sinned, because I am a human being, so I pray God would forgive me and hear my prayers!!

For those who have lost a loved one, in any type of tragedy, I pray God brings you comfort!  I also pray this season we will all be Thankful for what we have and all be able to sleep in heavenly Peace!

40 never looked so young!!!

1970s

• The city of Saigon is surrendered and remaining Americans are evacuated, ending the Vietnam War(April 30). 
• President Ford escapes second assassination attempt in 17 days (Sept. 22).
• ABC, CBS and NBC agree to create a "family hour," an early evening time slot that is free of violence and sex.
• One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, Jaws, Nashville, Dog Day Afternoon, Barry Lyndon
• Home videotape systems (VCRs) are developed in Japan by Sony (Betamax) and Matsushita (VHS).
• The Altair home computer kit allows consumers to build and program their own personal computers. 
• July 8; Lauri Barkman is born, joining  big brother David...
  
  
  

  

  Like the nurses uniforms!

1980s

• Terrorists seize Egyptian Boeing 737 airliner after takeoff from Athens (Nov. 23); 59 dead as Egyptian forces storm plane on Malta (Nov. 24).
• Ronald Reagan, 73, takes oath for second term as 40th President (Jan. 20).
• Rock Hudson dies of AIDS at age 59. He's the first major star to fall victim to the disease.
• Madonna launches her first road show, the Virgin Tour.
• In 1983 I received a baby sister...Elise 
• I remember in 1986 when as a class we watched the first teacher board the Space Shuttle and watched live the tragedy of the explosion.
• I lived in Texas @ the time and I remember being in class and listening and watching the news  in 87 when Baby Jessica fell down a well, as people prayed and listened to her as she sang Winnie the Pooh.          July 8 1985...I turned 10 
• 
• In 1988 I received a baby brother, Aaron!

     1990s

• Russian space station Mir greets first Americans (March 14). US shuttle docks with station (June 27).
• Israelis and Palestinians agree on transferring West Bank to Arabs (Sept. 24). Israeli Prime Minister Yitzhak Rabinslain by Jewish extremist at peace rally (Nov. 4).
• Criminal trial of O. J. Simpson opens in California (Jan. 24).
• Scores killed as terrorist's car bomb blows up block-long Oklahoma City federal building (April 19); Timothy McVeigh, 27, arrested as suspect (April 21); authorities seek second suspect, link right-wing paramilitary groups to bombing (April 22).
• 1990 I was Diagnosed with Epilepsy, my family moved from a small town in Texas to a City in Arizona, my parents divorced.  
• 1993 I graduate High School
•    July 8, 1995...I turned 20
  

The 2000s

• Worldwide aid pours in to help the eleven Asian countries devastated by the Dec. 26, 2004, tsunami (Jan.). See Tsunami Factfile. 
• Pope John Paul II Dies (April 2). Benedict XVI becomes the next pope (April 24).
• George W. Bush is officially sworn in for his second term as president (Jan. 20). 
• The Sept. 11 Public Discourse Project reports that the country is still "alarmingly vulnerable to terrorist strikes." (Dec. 5). 
• My Epilepsy has been under control, suffering for the most part from side effects. I have worked in child care for 10 years, and am a big part of my younger siblings life, I lost my grandpa to cancer.
• July 8, 2005 I turned 30
  
• In the last 10 years Ive lost 2 more grandparents. I have moved to California to be a Nanny, only moved back when the family moved away from Cali.  I have published a children's book.  I was forced to quit my job in social work, because my seizures broke through and began happening more often forcing me to stop driving and stop working.  The World and America and my life have changed quite a bit in the last 10 years.  A Horrible thing happened June 19, 2015 in Charleston  South Carolina where 9 people lost their lives to an act of racism where the confederate flag played a huge role. This horrible act has many people bringing down confederate flags everywhere, and even having my all time favorite show Dukes of Hazzard from being seen in reruns because of the iconic General Lee.  I have strong belief that if this event had not taken place; these flags would still be flying as well as the General Lee, which flew quite a bit in DoH. Now as Confederate flags come down rainbow flags go up and the LGBT celebrates the fact that they are now able to marry each other....My how the world has changed in 40 years.  I remember when my parents turned 40, they were so old.  I am grateful that I am poor, that way I will not go have some kind of weird mid life crisis that I will regret for years.  I am also grateful no matter how hard life has been, it has not gone my way, my way would have been harder indeed.  If it were up to me, I would have been married, had 4 kids and been a teacher.  Life is not that easy.  Life goes by so fast!  When you get to the age you have been dreading, you then realize just how young you are.  I'm so excited to see where God leads me these next 40+.  July 8, 2015 I turn...39+1
  

All info came from http://www.infoplease.com/yearbyyear.html 

And Many More!!

It’s the middle of summer, some are still on vacation, and some are beginning to think about school.   Water, however is still on everyone’s mind! Who cares about the form, just bring water, water, water.  We bathe, swim, splash in and drink it; when it’s 110 all we want is water.  The beginning of summer also brings about family traditions, beginning new ones and continuing old.  When I was a kid my family had 2 traditions.  The 1^st was to go camping at the beach in our pop up trailer, so much fun!  My brother and I also had a tradition that included leaving Texas and coming to Arizona to visit our grandparents, we usually stayed 4-6 weeks.  This tradition lasted till I was about 10, after that we stayed home and helped with our younger siblings.  For 8 years my brother and I were my mother’s parents only grandchildren, so it goes without saying, we were very spoiled!  On Saturdays the most favorite thing to do was deliver Avon books, as my grandmother was a top notch Sales Rep. Every sat morning we would deliver to apartments walk up and down streets hanging them on doors, this was always so much fun…we loved it!!!  Actually the only thing we loved about it was getting McDonalds afterwards. Our #1 most favorite thing for to do was swim in the backyard pool, our grandpa and uncle built my grandparents house and it included a great swimming pool.  We loved it, mostly because it was free and we didn’t have to share it with other children.  We would play Marco Polo, I would pretend to be a mermaid, and we took turns jumping off the diving board all with grandpa sitting nearby with his feet in the water.  Unless our uncle or aunt swam with us, grandpa was always outside.  We didn’t see our Barkman grandparents during the summer much, not because we didn’t want to or they didn’t want us, yet they lived in Texas as we did, so it was easier to see them throughout the year.  Mainly Thanksgiving and some Christmas’

No matter what the tradition, memories are being made.  Pictures, videos, scanning, uploading everything is happening to remember what was done in summer, something to share with future.

Age does not begin to scare people until sickness occurs or we get older.  Our 20s and early 30s are filled with great adventures and many mistakes.  As life goes on we become wiser, wisdom comes in many ways.   The year 2011 brought me 2 losses, my grandma Dunham, my mother’s mom and my grandpa Barkman, my father’s dad.  I don’t like losing people.  I remember when 2 of my Great Grandparents died  I was probably about 10 when my great grandmother died, every time we went to visit she had a toy drawer full of things to keep my siblings and I busy while my parents visited.  I remember she had a prosthetic knee and she lived in a trailer, we always called her “grandma Dunham in the trailer” My great grandpa Ramsey died when I was about 13, I remember he could wiggle his ears and he had a white little poodle named Teddy, she was so cute.  It didn’t affect me much when they died, maybe because I didn’t spend much time with them, or because I was so young and I knew they were both in Heaven.  In 2001 I lost my grandpa Dunham to cancer.  He fought hard; he went through a remission and was able to go to my brother’s wedding.  When the cancer came back I don’t think he fought as hard, I believe he just wanted to see Jesus.  I have been more reflective since I lost my two grandparents in 2011.  I remember growing up how my parents would always tell me, “Life goes by so fast!”  In my 20s I would always here, “life goes by so fast”!  I never realized how much that statement is true.  Now at the age I am, I am telling my nieces and nephews, “Life goes by so fast!”  I’ve also added, enjoy every moment, learn from your mistakes and watch people so you can learn from them.  Always stay close to God, let Him guide you, He will be there when life gets tough. That advice is never  given all at once, because I know I would receive much eye rolling!

 My grandmother showed the symptoms of Dementia, before she passed away, my uncle took care of her.  One day I spent some time with them, it was like watching my uncle take care of a child, and there were times where she didn’t remember who anyone was.  One day we went to the cemetery to visit her parents and her husband, my grandpa. She put the flowers in her parents vase and began to sob, like a child crying for her daddy, my uncle held her, I too began to cry it was so sad. My grandma was a very strong woman and we always did what she asked.  To see her in this condition made me sad.  We then put flowers in her husband’s vase, my grandpas.  She had no reaction, my mother later told me she didn't think grandma remembered being married. She knew she had 4 kids, but did not remember her husband.

At Christmas this past year I did much observing, I was then talking with my cousin.  We discussed how 20 years ago, we were the children watching our parents and grandparents watching dinner being made and waiting to open presents.  Now we are the adults and parents preparing dinner and telling the children to wait, it’s almost time to open presents. In 20 more years another generation will have passed.  Time goes by so fast, treasure every moment!

Mary the mother of Jesus is a treasured woman and will be for the end of time,  Aside from carrying our Lord and savior she did something that I believe we all should do.  There were no cameras or smart phones in the day of Jesus, no way to capture memories.  Mary however treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart. (Luke 2:19) Let’s all be like Mary, not every event needs to be on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter.  Now there is a generation who does not know what it’s like to be walking around without a phone in their hands.  Let’s teach them to treasure moments in their hearts teach them that life indeed does go by so fast….Tomorrow, July 8, I will be 39, and many more!!

‎

Letting Go!

     My niece (5) and nephew (12) love Indiana Jones, oddly enough.  My niece always refers to it as “the man in the hat movie” and indeed loves watching it in the Indy hat I purchased @ Disney land several years ago.  The 4th movie is the one they watch the most, Aunt Lauri’s edited edition of course.

     Come with me now to a scene in the movie. Indy and Miriam fall into a dry patch of sand and they start to sink. Shia Labeouf’s character, whose name is Mud, runs and finds a huge snake to give the sinking couple in order to save them.  Miriam is pulled to safety, and not knowing Indy is greatly afraid of snakes, Mud throws him the reptile in order to save him. However, before Indy will grab the snake, he asks Mud to call it a rope, questioning his reasoning Mud finally says, “Grab the rope!”   Indy must hold onto the snake to be safe. Holding on makes sense, if Indy had let go he would have sunk and died. In some situations holding on can help, save, and rescue. 

     Sometimes, however, as much as it hurts letting go is the healthier choice. If you are like me, you have taken whatever the situation or person or thing to Jesus and said, “here take it please…I can’t fight this battle anymore.”  Then for some reason walk back to the cross and tell Jesus, “I do not like what you’re doing with this, so I’m going to take it back.” I then later go to Jesus give my situations to Him, then take it back again..It becomes a vicious cycle. 

Anakin: I can't do it, Mom. I just can't do it.

Shmi Skywalker: Ani...

Anakin: Will I ever see you again?

Shmi Skywalker: What does your heart tell you?

Anakin: I hope so. Yes... I guess.

Shmi Skywalker: Then we will see each other again.

Anakin: I will come back and free you, Mom. I promise.

Shmi Skywalker: Now, be brave, and don't look back. Don't look back. 

     This is the scene from Star Wars 1 when Anakin leaves his mother to become a Jedi.  In order to grow and become strong he must let go, not knowing if he will see his mother again. What happens when you let go of a rope? You fall, you have no control of where you will land, your heart is filled with fear, the closest thing to compare to it is when you go down on a roller coaster ride, and your heart is all the sudden in your belly and you’re asking yourself, what the heck did I get on this ride for? No control. You can’t control your life if you let go of it, However Hebrews 10:23 states, Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised IS faithful! Sometimes in order to fulfill God’s will, you have to let go of the past and sometimes even the present.

     As she held her grandpa’s hand, she remembered the boat rides her and her brother shared with him.   She remembered riding on the golf cart around the acreage on his lot, she remembered the donuts…the smell of his shop when the family visited, Frank’s Donut House, “the place with taste”. Those buttermilk donuts were the best with butter dripping off…Now she was in his hospital room watching her grandpa fall in and out of consciousness, with that stupid brace around his neck…He was in so much pain, why didn’t he just go home to Jesus.   Then  while still holding his hand, she stroked his hair and said, “Why won’t you go home, you are worried about grandma aren’t you?”  “Grandpa you need to trust your family, we will take care of her, and we will still love her…I promise, grandpa you have to let go”…within 24 hours he had gone home…

     What I am sharing is a glimpse of what happened when I went to say goodbye to my Grandpa Barkman. 

     Matthew Perry had a show on TV titled Go On, the premise is Matthew’s character is a man who just lost his wife in a car accident and now must figure out how to go through life without her.  He joins a support group where he finds others as messed up as he is.  In one episode he and another group member realize they need to physically release a symbol of what they are clinging to in order to further heal.  Together they tie their wedding rings to balloons and they release them, lying down on the ground they watch their past lives fly away and begin to move on.

     This past July I had a Letting Go Birthday Party.  Some friends and I went to a park wrote down what we needed to let go of, tied it to a balloon, then let go…It was very healing.  We as humans go through trials, sometimes in the midst of these events we need to heal and even let go. We also  have to remind ourselves to not go to the cross and take these issues back from Him, but remember, He is God and He knows what He is doing…I have to let go of my rope…In this case I  let go of a balloon.  

     Sometimes, however, I can also see God holding the top of a rope, as if I were hanging on the end of a cliff.  I can hear Him say, and He is  screaming ; Lauri, Let Go…You Have To Trust Me.  So Here I am…Letting Go!  As we Let Go of 2013 and begin 2014 I invite you, on your own or with some friends to let go of last year, mistakes, regrets, emotions, whatever you are clinging on to…Let go and embrace this new year! 

 His mercies are new every morning and every New Year!!  It is of the Lord's mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness. Lamentations 3:22-23.