Writing can be a writers worst nightmare!!

The title sounds strange for a writer doesn't it! 🙂 However I haven't written on this blog for over a year. I'm not sure why.  The past 5 years I have been writing my autobiography on living a life with Epilepsy. Yes, five years. I never understood why people always stated that a book, play, or movie took so long to create. Now I understand, life happens. Someone or something doesn't want me to finish my book.  In the past five years I have had two surgeries to try to fix tendinitis in my right wrist and have had many many hours of physical therapy. There indeed are times when a writer doesn't have much to say. This is just like a singer who has nothing ro sing, or a teacher who has nothing to teach, this could lead to a career end. Sometimes there is just no motivation, I'm not sure why I am not motivated, sharing my story and what I am walking through I know would help others. Focus is hard for me, I find myself distracted easily. For example, this year I have been bird watching. There are two different sites where you can watch eagles 🦅 lay there eggs then watch the babies hatch and grow. One site is https://hdontap.com/index.php/video/stream/pa-bald-eagle-ir-cam

the other is http://www.dickpritchettrealestate.com/eagle-feed.html#
the second site the baby is already perching with mom and dad and is almost ready to leave the nest. Then of course there is also the most famous Giraffe in all the land, miss April! I have also given up evening television 📺 so I could focus more. I was so serious about it, I gave it up for Lent . I have added more to my book so I'm happy about that, just frustrated.  I guess I needed to do some journaling and decided to do it here. The next time I write I hope it's to say I have finished my book!! 📚😉

Pray for...why?

In our world and unfortunately in America alone we have seen quite a bit of devastation.  When these events happen, it is amazing to see people rally around each other, even those we have never met; and we pray for each other.  People pray, even if they don’t attend church every week, even if they are skeptic about God. 

  Paris, Mila, Russia (the plane) and now San Bernardino have all been attacked.  America has been going through political crap that after watching makes you (me anyways) feeling like America is well, depressing. Not only that but it feels like the United States, for some reason has gone back to the 60s where there are issues on race, and riots are taking place.  I think maybe the worst of all…Starbucks cups are red only!!

It’s good to see people have not lost faith.  However for those who have, or for those who believe God is mean and vengeful, and causing these things to happen, need to take that step of faith and ask him to protect you, your family, our country, our allies, and see what happens.  See what happens when you believe. If you are angry at God than tell Him, scream at Him, If you are sad, cry.  He already knows whats in our hearts, but tell Him anyways.  He gave you those emotions so use them.  The number one thing in any relationship is communication, talk to God!!

 We are approaching Christmas, a season of believing.  Watch your children, or children around you, as they believe in Santa, no matter what others may say to them, they believe with all their hearts he is coming, because he knows when they’ve been sleeping, he knows when their awake.  The same is true with our God, He knows when you are sleeping and when you are awake, we all need to have a child like faith.

If God is all powerful, why does he allow these things to happen?  Why can’t He stop these people, why is there cancer, why are there natural disasters?  These are questions I cannot answer, I believe no one can, that’s where faith comes in.  If we pray for those who lost their lives in each one of these attacks, we should then pray that God would stop these attacks.  He has created people who are trained to help us; I give credit to the first responders who were at the San Bernardino attacks in just 7 minutes.  Our country is on high alert and the military and first responders are becoming equipped to fight back like never before.

In a book by Marie Chapian, one of the devotionals is called, I Know You’ve Been Hurt, it states, “ You will never be happy until you free yourself from the fear of being hurt, to having full confidence in the wisdom I (God) freely  give you.  I will protect you and watch over you all the days of your life.” When tragedies happen, it does not mean God has broken His promise, it simply means, you must pray and search His heart, while He comforts yours.

“If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek My face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land.”   2 Chronicles 7:14.  Some may find this verse offensive, thinking because someone has sinned, God is attacking us on purpose, well I have sinned, because I am a human being, so I pray God would forgive me and hear my prayers!!

For those who have lost a loved one, in any type of tragedy, I pray God brings you comfort!  I also pray this season we will all be Thankful for what we have and all be able to sleep in heavenly Peace!

40 never looked so young!!!

1970s

• The city of Saigon is surrendered and remaining Americans are evacuated, ending the Vietnam War(April 30). 
• President Ford escapes second assassination attempt in 17 days (Sept. 22).
• ABC, CBS and NBC agree to create a "family hour," an early evening time slot that is free of violence and sex.
• One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, Jaws, Nashville, Dog Day Afternoon, Barry Lyndon
• Home videotape systems (VCRs) are developed in Japan by Sony (Betamax) and Matsushita (VHS).
• The Altair home computer kit allows consumers to build and program their own personal computers. 
• July 8; Lauri Barkman is born, joining  big brother David...
  
  
  

  

  Like the nurses uniforms!

1980s

• Terrorists seize Egyptian Boeing 737 airliner after takeoff from Athens (Nov. 23); 59 dead as Egyptian forces storm plane on Malta (Nov. 24).
• Ronald Reagan, 73, takes oath for second term as 40th President (Jan. 20).
• Rock Hudson dies of AIDS at age 59. He's the first major star to fall victim to the disease.
• Madonna launches her first road show, the Virgin Tour.
• In 1983 I received a baby sister...Elise 
• I remember in 1986 when as a class we watched the first teacher board the Space Shuttle and watched live the tragedy of the explosion.
• I lived in Texas @ the time and I remember being in class and listening and watching the news  in 87 when Baby Jessica fell down a well, as people prayed and listened to her as she sang Winnie the Pooh.          July 8 1985...I turned 10 
• 
• In 1988 I received a baby brother, Aaron!

     1990s

• Russian space station Mir greets first Americans (March 14). US shuttle docks with station (June 27).
• Israelis and Palestinians agree on transferring West Bank to Arabs (Sept. 24). Israeli Prime Minister Yitzhak Rabinslain by Jewish extremist at peace rally (Nov. 4).
• Criminal trial of O. J. Simpson opens in California (Jan. 24).
• Scores killed as terrorist's car bomb blows up block-long Oklahoma City federal building (April 19); Timothy McVeigh, 27, arrested as suspect (April 21); authorities seek second suspect, link right-wing paramilitary groups to bombing (April 22).
• 1990 I was Diagnosed with Epilepsy, my family moved from a small town in Texas to a City in Arizona, my parents divorced.  
• 1993 I graduate High School
•    July 8, 1995...I turned 20
  

The 2000s

• Worldwide aid pours in to help the eleven Asian countries devastated by the Dec. 26, 2004, tsunami (Jan.). See Tsunami Factfile. 
• Pope John Paul II Dies (April 2). Benedict XVI becomes the next pope (April 24).
• George W. Bush is officially sworn in for his second term as president (Jan. 20). 
• The Sept. 11 Public Discourse Project reports that the country is still "alarmingly vulnerable to terrorist strikes." (Dec. 5). 
• My Epilepsy has been under control, suffering for the most part from side effects. I have worked in child care for 10 years, and am a big part of my younger siblings life, I lost my grandpa to cancer.
• July 8, 2005 I turned 30
  
• In the last 10 years Ive lost 2 more grandparents. I have moved to California to be a Nanny, only moved back when the family moved away from Cali.  I have published a children's book.  I was forced to quit my job in social work, because my seizures broke through and began happening more often forcing me to stop driving and stop working.  The World and America and my life have changed quite a bit in the last 10 years.  A Horrible thing happened June 19, 2015 in Charleston  South Carolina where 9 people lost their lives to an act of racism where the confederate flag played a huge role. This horrible act has many people bringing down confederate flags everywhere, and even having my all time favorite show Dukes of Hazzard from being seen in reruns because of the iconic General Lee.  I have strong belief that if this event had not taken place; these flags would still be flying as well as the General Lee, which flew quite a bit in DoH. Now as Confederate flags come down rainbow flags go up and the LGBT celebrates the fact that they are now able to marry each other....My how the world has changed in 40 years.  I remember when my parents turned 40, they were so old.  I am grateful that I am poor, that way I will not go have some kind of weird mid life crisis that I will regret for years.  I am also grateful no matter how hard life has been, it has not gone my way, my way would have been harder indeed.  If it were up to me, I would have been married, had 4 kids and been a teacher.  Life is not that easy.  Life goes by so fast!  When you get to the age you have been dreading, you then realize just how young you are.  I'm so excited to see where God leads me these next 40+.  July 8, 2015 I turn...39+1
  

All info came from http://www.infoplease.com/yearbyyear.html 

And Many More!!

It’s the middle of summer, some are still on vacation, and some are beginning to think about school.   Water, however is still on everyone’s mind! Who cares about the form, just bring water, water, water.  We bathe, swim, splash in and drink it; when it’s 110 all we want is water.  The beginning of summer also brings about family traditions, beginning new ones and continuing old.  When I was a kid my family had 2 traditions.  The 1^st was to go camping at the beach in our pop up trailer, so much fun!  My brother and I also had a tradition that included leaving Texas and coming to Arizona to visit our grandparents, we usually stayed 4-6 weeks.  This tradition lasted till I was about 10, after that we stayed home and helped with our younger siblings.  For 8 years my brother and I were my mother’s parents only grandchildren, so it goes without saying, we were very spoiled!  On Saturdays the most favorite thing to do was deliver Avon books, as my grandmother was a top notch Sales Rep. Every sat morning we would deliver to apartments walk up and down streets hanging them on doors, this was always so much fun…we loved it!!!  Actually the only thing we loved about it was getting McDonalds afterwards. Our #1 most favorite thing for to do was swim in the backyard pool, our grandpa and uncle built my grandparents house and it included a great swimming pool.  We loved it, mostly because it was free and we didn’t have to share it with other children.  We would play Marco Polo, I would pretend to be a mermaid, and we took turns jumping off the diving board all with grandpa sitting nearby with his feet in the water.  Unless our uncle or aunt swam with us, grandpa was always outside.  We didn’t see our Barkman grandparents during the summer much, not because we didn’t want to or they didn’t want us, yet they lived in Texas as we did, so it was easier to see them throughout the year.  Mainly Thanksgiving and some Christmas’

No matter what the tradition, memories are being made.  Pictures, videos, scanning, uploading everything is happening to remember what was done in summer, something to share with future.

Age does not begin to scare people until sickness occurs or we get older.  Our 20s and early 30s are filled with great adventures and many mistakes.  As life goes on we become wiser, wisdom comes in many ways.   The year 2011 brought me 2 losses, my grandma Dunham, my mother’s mom and my grandpa Barkman, my father’s dad.  I don’t like losing people.  I remember when 2 of my Great Grandparents died  I was probably about 10 when my great grandmother died, every time we went to visit she had a toy drawer full of things to keep my siblings and I busy while my parents visited.  I remember she had a prosthetic knee and she lived in a trailer, we always called her “grandma Dunham in the trailer” My great grandpa Ramsey died when I was about 13, I remember he could wiggle his ears and he had a white little poodle named Teddy, she was so cute.  It didn’t affect me much when they died, maybe because I didn’t spend much time with them, or because I was so young and I knew they were both in Heaven.  In 2001 I lost my grandpa Dunham to cancer.  He fought hard; he went through a remission and was able to go to my brother’s wedding.  When the cancer came back I don’t think he fought as hard, I believe he just wanted to see Jesus.  I have been more reflective since I lost my two grandparents in 2011.  I remember growing up how my parents would always tell me, “Life goes by so fast!”  In my 20s I would always here, “life goes by so fast”!  I never realized how much that statement is true.  Now at the age I am, I am telling my nieces and nephews, “Life goes by so fast!”  I’ve also added, enjoy every moment, learn from your mistakes and watch people so you can learn from them.  Always stay close to God, let Him guide you, He will be there when life gets tough. That advice is never  given all at once, because I know I would receive much eye rolling!

 My grandmother showed the symptoms of Dementia, before she passed away, my uncle took care of her.  One day I spent some time with them, it was like watching my uncle take care of a child, and there were times where she didn’t remember who anyone was.  One day we went to the cemetery to visit her parents and her husband, my grandpa. She put the flowers in her parents vase and began to sob, like a child crying for her daddy, my uncle held her, I too began to cry it was so sad. My grandma was a very strong woman and we always did what she asked.  To see her in this condition made me sad.  We then put flowers in her husband’s vase, my grandpas.  She had no reaction, my mother later told me she didn't think grandma remembered being married. She knew she had 4 kids, but did not remember her husband.

At Christmas this past year I did much observing, I was then talking with my cousin.  We discussed how 20 years ago, we were the children watching our parents and grandparents watching dinner being made and waiting to open presents.  Now we are the adults and parents preparing dinner and telling the children to wait, it’s almost time to open presents. In 20 more years another generation will have passed.  Time goes by so fast, treasure every moment!

Mary the mother of Jesus is a treasured woman and will be for the end of time,  Aside from carrying our Lord and savior she did something that I believe we all should do.  There were no cameras or smart phones in the day of Jesus, no way to capture memories.  Mary however treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart. (Luke 2:19) Let’s all be like Mary, not every event needs to be on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter.  Now there is a generation who does not know what it’s like to be walking around without a phone in their hands.  Let’s teach them to treasure moments in their hearts teach them that life indeed does go by so fast….Tomorrow, July 8, I will be 39, and many more!!

‎

Letting Go!

     My niece (5) and nephew (12) love Indiana Jones, oddly enough.  My niece always refers to it as “the man in the hat movie” and indeed loves watching it in the Indy hat I purchased @ Disney land several years ago.  The 4th movie is the one they watch the most, Aunt Lauri’s edited edition of course.

     Come with me now to a scene in the movie. Indy and Miriam fall into a dry patch of sand and they start to sink. Shia Labeouf’s character, whose name is Mud, runs and finds a huge snake to give the sinking couple in order to save them.  Miriam is pulled to safety, and not knowing Indy is greatly afraid of snakes, Mud throws him the reptile in order to save him. However, before Indy will grab the snake, he asks Mud to call it a rope, questioning his reasoning Mud finally says, “Grab the rope!”   Indy must hold onto the snake to be safe. Holding on makes sense, if Indy had let go he would have sunk and died. In some situations holding on can help, save, and rescue. 

     Sometimes, however, as much as it hurts letting go is the healthier choice. If you are like me, you have taken whatever the situation or person or thing to Jesus and said, “here take it please…I can’t fight this battle anymore.”  Then for some reason walk back to the cross and tell Jesus, “I do not like what you’re doing with this, so I’m going to take it back.” I then later go to Jesus give my situations to Him, then take it back again..It becomes a vicious cycle. 

Anakin: I can't do it, Mom. I just can't do it.

Shmi Skywalker: Ani...

Anakin: Will I ever see you again?

Shmi Skywalker: What does your heart tell you?

Anakin: I hope so. Yes... I guess.

Shmi Skywalker: Then we will see each other again.

Anakin: I will come back and free you, Mom. I promise.

Shmi Skywalker: Now, be brave, and don't look back. Don't look back. 

     This is the scene from Star Wars 1 when Anakin leaves his mother to become a Jedi.  In order to grow and become strong he must let go, not knowing if he will see his mother again. What happens when you let go of a rope? You fall, you have no control of where you will land, your heart is filled with fear, the closest thing to compare to it is when you go down on a roller coaster ride, and your heart is all the sudden in your belly and you’re asking yourself, what the heck did I get on this ride for? No control. You can’t control your life if you let go of it, However Hebrews 10:23 states, Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised IS faithful! Sometimes in order to fulfill God’s will, you have to let go of the past and sometimes even the present.

     As she held her grandpa’s hand, she remembered the boat rides her and her brother shared with him.   She remembered riding on the golf cart around the acreage on his lot, she remembered the donuts…the smell of his shop when the family visited, Frank’s Donut House, “the place with taste”. Those buttermilk donuts were the best with butter dripping off…Now she was in his hospital room watching her grandpa fall in and out of consciousness, with that stupid brace around his neck…He was in so much pain, why didn’t he just go home to Jesus.   Then  while still holding his hand, she stroked his hair and said, “Why won’t you go home, you are worried about grandma aren’t you?”  “Grandpa you need to trust your family, we will take care of her, and we will still love her…I promise, grandpa you have to let go”…within 24 hours he had gone home…

     What I am sharing is a glimpse of what happened when I went to say goodbye to my Grandpa Barkman. 

     Matthew Perry had a show on TV titled Go On, the premise is Matthew’s character is a man who just lost his wife in a car accident and now must figure out how to go through life without her.  He joins a support group where he finds others as messed up as he is.  In one episode he and another group member realize they need to physically release a symbol of what they are clinging to in order to further heal.  Together they tie their wedding rings to balloons and they release them, lying down on the ground they watch their past lives fly away and begin to move on.

     This past July I had a Letting Go Birthday Party.  Some friends and I went to a park wrote down what we needed to let go of, tied it to a balloon, then let go…It was very healing.  We as humans go through trials, sometimes in the midst of these events we need to heal and even let go. We also  have to remind ourselves to not go to the cross and take these issues back from Him, but remember, He is God and He knows what He is doing…I have to let go of my rope…In this case I  let go of a balloon.  

     Sometimes, however, I can also see God holding the top of a rope, as if I were hanging on the end of a cliff.  I can hear Him say, and He is  screaming ; Lauri, Let Go…You Have To Trust Me.  So Here I am…Letting Go!  As we Let Go of 2013 and begin 2014 I invite you, on your own or with some friends to let go of last year, mistakes, regrets, emotions, whatever you are clinging on to…Let go and embrace this new year! 

 His mercies are new every morning and every New Year!!  It is of the Lord's mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness. Lamentations 3:22-23.

The Stringy Ball or the Kick Ball

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oaq4_DHaAN8 watching the video will help you to understand the blog more..

@ Cornerstone in Chandler, my home church, we have started a new sermon series. The title is called You asked for it, in which our pastor is answering questions asked from us the congregation. Today the sermon encircled around Have you ever prayed and God was silent?

Through Pastor Linn, God gave some answers.

1. Maybe the Answer was no

2. Maybe the answer is no, because I have something better in mind, which is the kickball principal which you saw in the video.

Pastor Linn stated if you have been praying and you are feeling mad, frustrated, or anxious you are not praying God's will, you are not in alignment with him. Prayer is not telling God what to do it is asking God what he is going to do.

The Wave!!

I’ve been going to Cornerstone for almost 3 years now and anything discussed in service never surprises me anymore. Today we spoke about the question: How Important Is the Story of Jesus? What a crazy thing to ask, right? Well only if you know Jesus, do you know that this story is pretty important. Sadly there are so many people who don’t understand that question; Pastor Linn talked about how God strategically puts people in our life so that we may be a light to them. A City on a Hill as Jesus said in the Bible. (Matt 5:14-15) As Linn was talking about being a light, two songs came to mind, both I sang as a child, 1. Give me Oil in my Lamp, Keep me Burnin, Give me Oil in my Lamp I pray, Halleluiah. And the 2nd was This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine!! After the sermon we wrote names of people we felt God had put in our lives to be a light to, prayed over them, then gave them to God by putting them in baskets at the front of the sanctuary. We are to pray for these people for 30 days, then invite them to the Harvest Festival @ Church as well as a service one Sunday.
On the way home I began to think, of the sermon and of my chosen people. I began to fear. Honestly I hate witnessing, not because I am ashamed of Jesus, but because I have always been afraid I would misrepresent him with my words. There are so many people who are Biblically and Religiously intelligent that if I were to speak of the word of God, they would probably out speak me. As I grew up, I heard about how being a witness for God meant living like Jesus, speaking with your life and not with your words. I was a little relieved, now I don’t have to talk, I can just walk…who knew walking the walk could be so hard. In fact one of the people whose name I put on my list called me out once, we were talking about a mutual friend, and he told me “Is the way you’re talking the way a ‘Christian’ talks, should you be saying these things. Guilt washed over me and I apologized, but my friend had already seen this particular sin in me and he doesn’t understand that people mess up, he just understands if you claim to be a Christian, you must be perfect!
Do you remember the 1st ever Christians, In Acts 2 it describes how they waited and prayed for the Holy Spirit and when they received it, they spoke in different tongues and acted so crazy people thought them to be drunk. In Acts 1:8, Luke reminds us that Jesus says, You will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.” This statement was not only meant for them but for us. First of all I don’t remember the last time I was at a service where people spoke in tongues, is that something we still believe in? Is this the type of Holy Spirit Fill we need before we are ready to go to the ends of the earth? Why do we not every day meet together in prayer, why have we changed, these people were serving God and being killed for it, would You Do That? I know I am not the only person intimidated by speaking the gospel, I want to know what has happened to us as Christians. In Acts 2:42 It states and is in regards to The Fellowship of Believers: They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. Everyone was filled with awe, and many wonders and miraculous signs were done by the apostles. All the believers were together and had everything in common. Selling their possessions and goods, they gave to anyone as he had need. Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.”
Pastor Linn used a clip in church today, it was from the movie The Day After Tomorrow. (here is the clip shown in church..http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gJn261UAdaA&feature=related)…however this clip is also a good example (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JQDSAiPiEDU)In the first clip a huge Wave is being washed over New York city and a young man runs toward the wave to save his loved one, Pastor Linn asked us, if we would run toward the Wave of the enemy to save those around us, maybe not even a loved one, but anyone if you knew they would spend eternity in Hell, would you get them to higher ground, Would you be the lamp burnin in the window, the City on a Hill? I pray my fear subsides and God would be victorious and glorified as I pray for my friends!